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aMuse

No rules, no plans, just words.

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IMG_0857.jpgGuide me Father
Through thick and thin
Glancing Upwards
Pressing in

I want to want it
All on my own
But each time it presses
It seems for men alone

Unsure if its me
Or desire to impress
That’s asking for more
To fix this hot mess

I like that i’m asking
No matter why
But do YOU see that
And count it a try?

I want to be better
To read what you wrote
To see the story
Engage with each note

But I can’t seem to push
Without others i’m lost
Finding your word
But kept with a cost

It’s good to have others
Talk of your love
But I want it alone
That joy from above

Help me to find it
Push me for time
For words unspoken
And wisdom to climb

Grow me so greatly
Make me more than I am
Prepare me for use
In this life you’ve got planned

In your name Jesus
Amen
So Be it.

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Cries

Oh God my heart
It cries your name
Different words
But story same

Help me Jesus
Alone am I
Sitting, waiting
Future nigh

Where’s the man
Dreamt so long
The one who pushes
Who hears my song

Help me trust you
Teach me faith
When longing haunts
And love’s a wraith

I want to sit
In joy unbound
Knowing you are all
And lost is found

But here I am
Once again
Begging movement
With words so thin

Desiring you
Desiring trust
Walking away
Stuck in lust

Save me Jesus
Save me God
Save me spirit
My hopeful prod

I want to feel you
Know you’re there
But here I sit
With empty prayer

God I know you
Good and just
Loving, kind
In that I’ll trust

Forgive me asking
Repeating pleas
When I know you answer
These calls on knees

Thank you for people
Glimpses of you
Joyful and loving
Caring and true

Draw me to know you
That I trust you more
Endless I crave it
May YOU I adore

Overhead Thoughts

Flying oh so high above
Cities though unknown, I love

Wondering what the future holds
Watching eager as it unfolds

one quick moment could change it all
Exhilarated I try and let life fall

Moving onward trusting God
In work, in love, a silent nod

It never seems to go to plan
Yet over and over, adventure grand

And so I stare at lights below
People waiting, hoping so

For dreams so big and love so wide
That all their life can fit inside

A silent scream, the human heart
For something more, set apart

How I wish to help each one
Silent stories, plans undone

But again I look and overwhelmed
Stand back one second from my helm

For I’m not called to fix the world
But help where im at with heart unfurled

And with that I see a new scene
same unknown cities, but grass not as green

And there it is, standing unmasked
The answer to the deep seated question I’ve asked

For me at least, I must learn to stay
To listen to people and love where I may

Tomorrow could change that and send me afar
But for now I smile as I feel that “stay where you are”IMG_3201.jpg

Honesty

Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing to do
For when you say what’s on your mind
It often scares you through and through

And is it good to say whats true
If others find it sad?
Or does it only count
When the words make someone glad?

Growing up I was told
I must always tell the truth
But saying what you think always
Can sometimes be uncouth

So do I tell you “that’s not your color”
When you ask what’s on my mind?
Or should I say, “I love it!”
And let you think it looks just fine?

The line between honesty and bring rude
Is starting to wear thin
I look at one and see the other
Unsure where each begin

So forgive me all my words
Me ceaseless “honest” chatter
I get so anxious to do whats right
I sound like a mad hatter

Giving too much honesty
That might cause a little pain
Then swooping in to take it back
It’s all an endless game

I mean well, I promise
It’s just a learning curve
And one of these days I get it
Until then…forgive my “nerve”

Rain Thoughts

I wake up with bouts of sorrow
Knowing more may come tomorrow

But as I push through each hour
I don’t let my smile sour

For here I am with you
One friend, or maybe two

People who keep me smiling
Even when my fears are piling

So let me sit and be
Not let my anger hold to me

But live right where I am
In the palm of God’s right hand

A poorly chosen child
Who wanders in the wild

But safe in His loving arms
I see the world’s many charms

Rain perhaps, but even still
I rest within my Father’s willdownload.jpg

Decisions

Back and forth
Mentally pacing
Making no move
But internally racing

Everyone watches
But nobody sees
As I think through my fears
As I fall to my knees

Wanting to run
But pushing to stay
Weighing my worries
In the midst of each day

Going is forward
Catching desire
Staying is backward
Sitting in mire

“Mind games” I think
As I list cons and pros
But onwards I worry
About the path that I chose

How do you choose rightly
When neither is wrong
When decisions arise
For what do you long?

And is that how you do it?
Follow your heart?
Plan out a course
And follow the chart?

Or do you choose patience?
Making something of here?
With no real direction
Pushing on til its clear

Today its the latter
Ive chosen my fate
Living each moment
For the rest…I can wait

Other’s Required*

The popular sanguine
The joyful, gregarious people
The optimistic children
The endless smilers*

But only with affirmation
Tell us we are loved
Remind us we are interesting
Admire our silly stories

Or maybe, don’t?
Let us learn
Let us grow
Let us listen

To words we tell ourselves
To be people we love
To own who we are
Becoming our own champion

Our own cheerleader
Our own love
Accepting it from others
Not REQUIRING it to succeed

The popular sanguine
The loudest laughers
The jovial jokers
The independent beasts

The Act

My entire body aches
The pain expands
Pushing against my chest
An invisible injury
Hidden behind a smile
Silent beneath loud laughter
A mannequin of my own making
Strings grow tighter
Movements stiffen
But my expression remains the same
The show must go on
One more person
One more performance
Proudly presenting:
The Lovely Liar

Fast Food Diet

I know the feast is up ahead
And yet I lie awake
For on every corner sits
A chance to choose my fate

I crave the wine I’m promised
And the lavish filling meal
But a frosty sounds so good
And 4 for $4 is quite a deal

And so again I waver
I say it’s just this once
But i’ll say it again tomorrow
‘Cause I’ve been doing that for months

And when I sit again in bed
Clutching my stomach tight
I’ll wonder why i’ve done this
As I tear up in fading light

I know i’ve not been judged
For we all have our own sins
But I start to see my life
Through a salty fast food lens

For it’s not just meals I skimp on
It’s not just fast food down the road
It’s love and hope and friendship
That get left for an easier load

Cause who can wait for real love
When impersonations crowd your view
And who would rely on an unseen God
When friends you’ve known will do

But we tell our own sad story
In every sitcom and tv show
Of craving something so much more
And the ache we feel when we let go

So why don’t I believe it
Why do I continue on
Filling myself with junk food
As my heart aches on and on

Frostys fill the craving
But all too soon it’s back
Reminding me yet again
That all I want it lacks

So I pray I wait for real things
For the meals that fill me full
And ignore the fast food diet
That keeps me in a life of lull

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